(Moving servers around in Hurricane Electric fmt2 datacenter, setting up our own AS)
Lately my life has been pretty easy. I write in the morning, work on small projects, work out, read in the afternoons, and spend time with my housemates. Sometimes I go on runs with L, except they aren’t really runs. It’s more like jogging and talking about plans that will never happen. I go to the datacenter in Fremont to poke a router I killed from my bedroom. I get a fresh loaf of bread and jam to eat on my walk through campus. I volunteer at a tiny house community. I facetime A who just got my Christmas gift that I sent two months ago. I facetime J and realize I forgot his birthday. I wake up at 6:30 am on a Monday and 12 pm on a Wednesday.
My life has been a forever Sunday afternoon. It’s this odd, lazy spot at the end of the weekend before the week starts. I used to hate Sunday afternoons just like I hated idleness. Have you ever heard the song “Goodbye Weekend” by Mac Demarco? It feels like that.
Now I feel different. I spent my time at school working, head down. Then, I’d look up to realize 4 months had passed and wonder where the time went. The US places so much self-worth in your career. As a kid I felt less-than-worthy in other areas, so I compensated by working really hard.
Time and good friends helped me realize that your career is important, but it isn’t that important. If you go all-in you miss out on a lot of the nice things, like Sunday afternoons.
I think its all a matter of self-perception. We tell a story about ourselves in our heads, and we become the person in that story. We can tell any story we want, except people like to pick ones they didn’t make. Its amazing how fast your life can change once you pick a better story.
I once had a girlfriend who studied abroad in Denmark. Even though the sun doesn’t shine during the winter, she enjoyed being around people who didn’t wake up every day thinking “WORK WORK WORK”. The second happiest country in the world has better things to worry about I suppose. Anyway, she liked it and it bothered me because I spent my whole life trying to Work with a Capital-W and I can be a stubborn nut (not that she was much different).
Can it really be that simple? Can you just choose to look at yourself differently and have everything else fall into place? I spent most of my college career shopping for different lifestyles. I went from the engineers, to the hippies, to the frat, to the Texans, and back and fourth. Thing is, I never changed. I always stayed the same and never stopped shopping around.
I like to bite off more than I can chew. Instead of liking what I have now I always need to be pushing for something more without understanding what that means. Then I start cursing at myself once I realize what I’m really in for.
I’m feeling pretty happy with where I am right now. Is that… okay? Can I keep doing this? I think so. I think I’m just biding my time until I figure out what to do next.
I’m not sure what the point of this post is. I’m trying to be a bit more transparent and write about the things I think about regularly. I’d like to say I think about politics and social justice, but really I think about me. I’m the kind of person who wont trust you if I doubt your intentions, even if you put up a really good front. I’m spilling my intentions on the floor for you. Its messy, but its me and its there to be seen.
I want to get to know y’all better. Who are you? Where are you from? What do you like to do? “@” me on Twitter (@liamport9) or send me a DM.